I Specialise in Women's & Couple's Issues

Relationship Counselling

Certified and evidence-based Gottman relationship therapy for couples.

Individual Relationship Coaching

Expert help with relationships whether you are single or attached.

Fertility Counselling

Supportive counselling for individuals and couples; donor implications counselling.

Women's Counselling

Relationships, motherhood, mental and physical health.

About me

Brighter Day Counselling

Hello! My name is Karen Holmes and I run a private counselling and coaching practice from Burleigh Heads on the Gold Coast.

I have been working as a psychotherapist/counsellor for nearly 20 years and I specialise in relationships and women’s issues

I am a clinical member of the Psychotherapy and Counselling Federation of Australia (PACFA) and a Certified Gottman Couples Therapist.

Get in Touch

I specialise in helping people with their relationships, whether they are single or part of a couple. This includes family and work relationships also.

Working in this area requires expert knowledge and skill, so it is a good idea to choose a therapist who is suitably trained in relationship dynamics. I can provide evidence-based techniques to help you improve and make decisions about the relationships in your life.

I also have a special interest in fertility and am an accredited member of the Australian and New Zealand Infertility Counsellors Association (ANZICA) and the Fertility Society of Australia (FSA).

 

I Specialise in Women's & Couple's Issues

What happens in a first session?
In a first session the counsellor will generally want to know about what has brought you to counselling now. You will be asked a little about your daily routine, your relationships and background. It is good for the counsellor to hear from you in your own words about what is troubling you and what you are hoping to achieve from attending.

You do not require a GP referral to see a counsellor/psychotherapist. This can be a good thing as generally it means you can be seen quicker, with less paperwork and more privacy.

Also, keep in mind this means you are choosing who you work with – not everyone is a good fit together, sometimes it just doesn’t feel right. Counselling is no different – you deserve to feel listened to and respected. Feel free also to ask the counsellor about their training, qualifications and their approach.

Yes, often. Some male clients attend independently and others attend as part of a couple.

This is a specialist, advanced certification in the Gottman method of couples counselling. I am committed to providing an excellent service for both individuals and couples.

This varies from person to person and it really depends on what sort of issue you are bringing. We can talk about this in our first session.

However, you may like to know that I am ethically required to ensure that you attend for only the minimum number of sessions you need to meet your needs and goals.

Confidentiality is fundamental to the counselling relationship. I do not share your information with anyone else.

There can, however, be certain ethical and legal exceptions and I will clarify this with you prior to us agreeing to work together.

People see counsellors for a variety of reasons, and it is not unusual to come because of some difficulties with a particular experience, such as a relationship issue or loss, and then end up talking about other things too.

Due to my extensive training, I provide a safe, warm space where you can go at your own pace. Some clients are dealing with issues such as depression, anger, bereavement, trauma, relationship problems or family conflicts. They may suffer from low mood, panic attacks, insomnia, stress or anxiety. Feelings like sorrow, pain, rejection, confusion or anger may be interfering with their day-to-day lives.

The range of problems that people come to talk about are as varied as the people themselves. Some people don’t know what the problem is – they may simply be unhappy – whilst others want to talk about a specific difficult situation. Clients sometimes come to talk about a particular problem, only to discover that it’s something else that is the real trouble.

Relationships, loss and change are all common themes, as are anxiety and stress. Significant life changes, such as the ending of a relationship or moving home or to another area, can have a major impact on us. Emotional problems do not necessarily go away if we ignore them, so it makes sense to deal with them as soon as possible.

Counselling and psychotherapy services are not covered under Medicare. If you have private health insurance, some funds do contribute, but this depends on your level of cover and you would need to check this with them. (Funds that currently cover include AHM, AIA, Bupa, CUA Health (telehealth only), Doctors Health Fund, Emergency Services Health, GMHBA, Grand United, Medibank, Phoenix Health, Police Health Fund, St Luke’s Health, Teacher’s Union Health and West Fund.)

Medicare rebates are offered only for those diagnosed with mental health disorders under a mental health plan prepared by a GP, for referral to a psychologist.

Counselling works from a less diagnostic model, and due to the fact that I am working privately, I do not need to report back to the government about our sessions. 

Sometimes, you do not always ‘click’ with the person your GP refers you to. Unfortunately, this prevents some clients from continuing their treatment.

In a counselling relationship, the main focus is on the rapport and connection between the client and counsellor. Outside of the many fields of evidence-based counselling approaches, this is the critical factor to ensuring you feel comfortable and that changes start to happen.

So it really comes down to choosing a counsellor that you feel comfortable with.  You can usually also be seen quicker, and more frequently, if you wish. Sometimes a gap of a few weeks can be quite long in between sessions, and means the next session can feel like ‘catching up’ and rebuilding rapport. However, for some, this might be all they need and require. Again, this is something we openly discuss.

Medicare does not provide a rebate for relationship or couple counselling. Your private health fund may contribute.

It is a good idea to work with a psychotherapist/counsellor who belongs to a professional body, so that they are required to fulfil the obligations of ethical and professional practice. I practice under the Psychotherapy and Counselling Federation of Australia (PACFA) Code of Ethics and Practice. This means I am obliged to honour the individuality of clients and work in a safe, empathic manner.

I am also required to complete ongoing personal and professional development yearly, as well as attend supervision.

Coaching is more directive than coaching with a future focus. It is practical and action-based and often focuses on behaviour change. Counselling is more emotionally deep, relies on personal insight and often focuses on underlying wounds and dynamics. It is common to use a blend of both, and your therapist usually selects accordingly, in alignment with your goals.

Confidentiality is fundamental to the counselling relationship. I do not share your information with anyone else.

There can, however, be certain ethical and legal exceptions and I will clarify this with you prior to us agreeing to work together.

People see counsellors for a variety of reasons, and it is not unusual to come because of some difficulties with a particular experience, such as a relationship issue or loss, and then end up talking about other things too.

Due to my extensive training, I provide a safe, warm space where you can go at your own pace. Some clients are dealing with issues such as depression, anger, bereavement, trauma, relationship problems or family conflicts. They may suffer from low mood, panic attacks, insomnia, stress or anxiety. Feelings like sorrow, pain, rejection, confusion or anger may be interfering with their day-to-day lives.

The range of problems that people come to talk about are as varied as the people themselves. Some people don’t know what the problem is – they may simply be unhappy – whilst others want to talk about a specific difficult situation. Clients sometimes come to talk about a particular problem, only to discover that it’s something else that is the real trouble.

Relationships, loss and change are all common themes, as are anxiety and stress. Significant life changes, such as the ending of a relationship or moving home or to another area, can have a major impact on us. Emotional problems do not necessarily go away if we ignore them, so it makes sense to deal with them as soon as possible.

Counselling and psychotherapy services are not covered under Medicare. If you have private health insurance, some funds do contribute, but this depends on your level of cover and you would need to check this with them. (Funds that currently cover include AHM, AIA, Bupa, CUA Health (telehealth only), Doctors Health Fund, Emergency Services Health, GMHBA, Grand United, Medibank, Phoenix Health, Police Health Fund, St Luke’s Health, Teacher’s Union Health and West Fund.)

Medicare rebates are offered only for those diagnosed with mental health disorders under a mental health plan prepared by a GP, for referral to a psychologist.

Counselling works from a less diagnostic model, and due to the fact that I am working privately, I do not need to report back to the government about our sessions. 

Sometimes, you do not always ‘click’ with the person your GP refers you to. Unfortunately, this prevents some clients from continuing their treatment.

In a counselling relationship, the main focus is on the rapport and connection between the client and counsellor. Outside of the many fields of evidence-based counselling approaches, this is the critical factor to ensuring you feel comfortable and that changes start to happen.

So it really comes down to choosing a counsellor that you feel comfortable with.  You can usually also be seen quicker, and more frequently, if you wish. Sometimes a gap of a few weeks can be quite long in between sessions, and means the next session can feel like ‘catching up’ and rebuilding rapport. However, for some, this might be all they need and require. Again, this is something we openly discuss.

Medicare does not provide a rebate for relationship or couple counselling. Your private health fund may contribute.

It is a good idea to work with a psychotherapist/counsellor who belongs to a professional body, so that they are required to fulfil the obligations of ethical and professional practice. I practice under the Psychotherapy and Counselling Federation of Australia (PACFA) Code of Ethics and Practice. This means I am obliged to honour the individuality of clients and work in a safe, empathic manner.

I am also required to complete ongoing personal and professional development yearly, as well as attend supervision.

Coaching is more directive than coaching with a future focus. It is practical and action-based and often focuses on behaviour change. Counselling is more emotionally deep, relies on personal insight and often focuses on underlying wounds and dynamics. It is common to use a blend of both, and your therapist usually selects accordingly, in alignment with your goals.

I Specialise in Women's & Couple's Issues

What happens in a first session?

In a first session the counsellor will generally want to know about what has brought you to counselling now. You will be asked a little about your daily routine, your relationships and background. It is good for the counsellor to hear from you in your own words about what is troubling you and what you are hoping to achieve from attending.

In a first session the counsellor will generally want to know about what has brought you to counselling now. You will be asked a little about your daily routine, your relationships and background. It is good for the counsellor to hear from you in your own words about what is troubling you and what you are hoping to achieve from attending.

In a first session the counsellor will generally want to know about what has brought you to counselling now. You will be asked a little about your daily routine, your relationships and background. It is good for the counsellor to hear from you in your own words about what is troubling you and what you are hoping to achieve from attending.

In a first session the counsellor will generally want to know about what has brought you to counselling now. You will be asked a little about your daily routine, your relationships and background. It is good for the counsellor to hear from you in your own words about what is troubling you and what you are hoping to achieve from attending.

In a first session the counsellor will generally want to know about what has brought you to counselling now. You will be asked a little about your daily routine, your relationships and background. It is good for the counsellor to hear from you in your own words about what is troubling you and what you are hoping to achieve from attending.

In a first session the counsellor will generally want to know about what has brought you to counselling now. You will be asked a little about your daily routine, your relationships and background. It is good for the counsellor to hear from you in your own words about what is troubling you and what you are hoping to achieve from attending.

In a first session the counsellor will generally want to know about what has brought you to counselling now. You will be asked a little about your daily routine, your relationships and background. It is good for the counsellor to hear from you in your own words about what is troubling you and what you are hoping to achieve from attending.

In a first session the counsellor will generally want to know about what has brought you to counselling now. You will be asked a little about your daily routine, your relationships and background. It is good for the counsellor to hear from you in your own words about what is troubling you and what you are hoping to achieve from attending.

In a first session the counsellor will generally want to know about what has brought you to counselling now. You will be asked a little about your daily routine, your relationships and background. It is good for the counsellor to hear from you in your own words about what is troubling you and what you are hoping to achieve from attending.

From our Blog

I was just being honest! (Hint: It’s not just about telling your truth)

Research tells us that having solid, fulfilling relationships is more important than having more money or that perfect job.

The idea that we can and probably should limit our expression of emotion with a partner is directly opposite to the assumed norm that we should always be open and honest and express ourselves fully.

The trouble with this is that it’s just not very relational, in practice.

Picture this: Nicky and Richard have just had their second baby. Nicky is returning to work and her contract has changed, her job now involves a new boss that she is struggling with. She feels micromanaged, is starting to lose confidence in her abilities at work and feels generally irritated.

When venting goes wrong

After a hectic evening getting both of their small children fed and to bed, the couple are exhausted but Nicky decides she needs to vent. ‘I’m so sick of Gary at work, he is an absolute taskmaster and wants to control everything, I don’t know if I can work there anymore. I’m just so sick of it, I really wish you earned more so I didn’t have to work.’ She continues to rant for the next few minutes.

This does not land on Richard. He goes straight to worrying about money, they are barely getting by as it is. He also feels guilty and attacked for not earning more. He feels this is a pattern for Nicky, she has had similar experiences in jobs before. ‘What do you mean? He’s probably just doing his job, he has lots of people to manage! Why can’t you just try and be nice to him? You know how you can be sometimes.’ Nicky explodes and the couple don’t speak for the rest of the night.

After this blow out, the couple struggle to reconnect over the following days and each feels like they don’t really trust the other.

What made it so much worse?

When self-expression is unfiltered, relentless and overwhelming, couple connection becomes the casualty. Renowned US therapist Terry Real describes how ‘offloading intense emotions onto your partner without regulation or consideration—can leave the other person flooded, confused, or defensive. Some people confuse emotional honesty with saying whatever they want, whenever they want, regardless of the impact.’

The damage is destructive – a partner might wonder ‘Is that what they really think of me??’

Self-expression MUST be balanced with self-regulation. Real communication is timely, relational and chooses words that will be heard and support connection, rather than rupture.

What is stonewalling…and how to stop it

Research tells us that having solid, fulfilling relationships is more important than having more money or that perfect job.

You might be stonewalling, or you might find yourself on the receiving end of it. Either way, it isn’t the most effective tool of communication and it’s a great idea to learn a better way.

How would I recognise stonewalling?

Also known as ‘the silent treatment’ or ‘shutting down’, stonewalling in a relationship usually shows up as a noticeable physical and emotional withdrawal by a partner, often during a difficult conversation. The person stops talking or engaging, and they might even leave. Some partners describe it as confusing or experience it as lonely/cold/disapproving. Others mention a feeling of being abandoned.

What stonewalling isn’t…

Stonewalling is different to stating that you need a timeout or break before continuing the conversation – this is actually a good idea, as when partners are triggered or flooded (fight/flight mode), it is not helpful to carry  on speaking as that is when we usually get critical and defensive, neither of which helps us to manage conflict. In contrast, stonewalling is more abrupt and usually done with little explanation.

Why does my partner stonewall?

Sometimes someone feels so overwhelmed by stress and emotion that their nervous system goes into a freeze response like stonewalling. Somewhere along the passage of their life, this person has experienced conflict as unsafe – so when tension arises, they stonewall to

  • avoid saying something hurtful
  • avoid escalation
  • avoid feeling attacked

Sometimes someone can’t process or communicate the strong feelings they are experiencing. Such feelings include hurt, anger, shame and confusion. In my practice, many clients have shared living with a parent that stonewalled and while they have awareness that they are practicing the same pattern with their partner, it feels very difficult to stop.

Antidote to stonewalling

John Gottman advises learning to self-soothe as an antidote to stonewalling. Self-soothing can be breathing, active distraction, moving your body – mainly NOT stewing over what was said and what you plan to say next. We know that stonewalling is linked to physiological stress such as increases in heart rate and stress hormones and an inability to think clearly. This results in the person feeling overwhelmed and threatened; essentially unable to cope with the conversation.

A 20–30-minute break is recommended, and is much more effective than pushing through. If stonewalling is something you or your partner are struggling to address on your own, don’t hesitate to get in touch.

Your relationship deserves experienced, evidence-based treatment

Research tells us that having solid, fulfilling relationships is more important than having more money or that perfect job.

In September 2024, I became a certified Gottman therapist. The Gottman method of couples therapy is known globally and is based on decades of research observing how couples interact.

What is a certified Gottman therapist?


Earning this protected title means that the therapist has completed three levels of comprehensive training (Gottman Level 1, 2 and 3), along with two years or more of intensive benchmarking and rigorous assessment. Final assessment of consultees is completed by reviewers based in the US.


Couples/marriage counselling is not regulated in Australia so it is important to make sure your therapist of choice has proper training in managing couple dynamics, whether you are attending individually or as a couple.


I am also trained in Emotion Focused Therapy (EFT), another well regarded approach to relationship issues. I am pleased to continue to offer both to individuals and couples wanting to better their relationships. Both in person and online appointments are currently available.

Don't hesitate to contact us

Please note – reply to every enquiry I receive. If it seems you have not heard back from me, it is possible your email package has put my reply into another folder. Please check your other folders and do let me know – Karen